My past has destroyed my perfect future. I have the perfect girlfriend; honest, innocent, intelligent, beautiful, kind i could go on forever. we've been going out for almost a year and a half and it's been unbelievable. We had plans to move in together and were so excited about our future.
I looks like that's all gone now though. I have a horrible past. I slept with a lot of another women who i didnt care about just to feed my ego. i never hurt anyone purposely or led anyone on but at the same time i didnt show myself any respect. I'm an average looking guy and i used to get a thrill from bedding these women a real ego boost worth bragging about to my idiot friends who were all as bad as me. I was cold and heartless. I confessed all of this to my girlfriend recently after she saw pictures an ex had emailed me. I dont know why i never deleted these pics. I didnt even like this girl from my past but I was too weak shake off her advances.
I've never cheated on my GF. I've treated her with nothing but respect and she even says i treated her like a princess. I love her so much and even my family think of her as one of us. I think her family like me too.
I've hurt her so much I can't stand the sight of myself. We're trying to resolve it all at the moment but i dont think we can. I've been a monster. I've barely eaten in 3 days, im not sleeping right and i can think of anything else. Its a living nightmare.
I dont know what to do. I want things to be back to normal but i think she deserves so much better than me. I feel like i deserve to be beaten up. I'd take physical pain ahead of what i'm feeling now any day of the week. I have nobody to talk to about this. I'm suffocating.
hai, elias.
BalasHapusI'm risma. stil remember me..?
I'm the one who taught you narrative past experience.
well, I have read your writing and I'll give you some comment as I had told before in class.
so, are you ready..?
and where will start..?
okay, we will start from your tense first for the beginning.
when I was reading your writing, I saw that you use two tenses: past and present.
and I remembered that I explained you about using present tense for direct speech in dialogue (if there is dialogue in your writing).
in your writing, you use past for your past event (paragraph 2) and it's correct.
but for the 1st paragraph of orientation, you use present for this sentence..
"I have the perfect girlfriend; honest, innocent, intelligent, beautiful, kind i could go on forever"
the problem is you use past and present in one sentence.
I'll ask you, were you still with your GF now?
if not, your sentence should be like this:
## I had the perfect girlfriend:....... I could go on forever##
but if you're still with your girlfriend, it should be:
## I have the perfect girlfriend:.....I can go on forever.##
another is "she even says i treated her like a princess."
my question is when your girlfriend said it to you..?
in the past right..
so, the sentence should be # she even said I treated her liked a princess."
so, choose one type of sentence not two type.
and in your orientation, you use present anymore.
but when I read it, you state word "feel" and "think"
from your case, it's possible to use present in re-orientation, if what you feel and think happens only when you write your writing. in another word, the time when you feel and think is as same as the time you write.
but if what you feel and think happens in your past event (not the time when you are writing your story), keep to use past tense
for example:"I dont know why i never deleted these pics."
you feel that you don't know your act in the past, right. not this time now.
so, it's better if you write # I did not know why I never deleted these pics.#
another reason is this sentence still in the sequence of your past event.
get what I mean..?
also, I want to comment about the WH-question (who, whom, when, where, and so on).
do you still remember about this..?
I will remind you that who indicates the subject and whom indicates the object.
but in your sentence, these became opposite.
I'll show your sentence, here..
"I slept with a lot of another women who i didnt care about just to feed my ego."
if I separated your sentence into two sentences, it will become like this:
a. I slept with a lot of another women
b. I didn't care about a lot of women just to feed my ego.
see..?
" a lot of women" here is as the object of the sentence, therefore you should use whom instead of who. Your sentence should be like here..
#I slept with a lot of another women whom i didnt care about just to feed my ego."
do you understand so far..?
well, I think that's all form me
I hope you also learn more about your writing and keep to be better because I'm sure that everything needs process including writing.
and as a reader, actually I can be still curious about your story especially about how your girlfriend would forgive you..
but I don't know what will happen next, just you who know the next story as the writer...
well, I think it's an interesting story of you..
and as a reader anymore, I can be still curious anymore... did your story really happen..?
hehmmmm...... don't make my question be serious... okay..
c u elias...
see my blog and write a comment if you are still confused,
bye..bye..bye...
hai....risma i,m ely thank a lot for comment my story and then that story is not really happen but only story.
BalasHapusThanks..............God bless you for your teach whenever..bye..bye..bye risma.