My past has destroyed my perfect future. I have the perfect girlfriend; honest, innocent, intelligent, beautiful, kind i could go on forever. we've been going out for almost a year and a half and it's been unbelievable. We had plans to move in together and were so excited about our future.
I looks like that's all gone now though. I have a horrible past. I slept with a lot of another women who i didnt care about just to feed my ego. i never hurt anyone purposely or led anyone on but at the same time i didnt show myself any respect. I'm an average looking guy and i used to get a thrill from bedding these women a real ego boost worth bragging about to my idiot friends who were all as bad as me. I was cold and heartless. I confessed all of this to my girlfriend recently after she saw pictures an ex had emailed me. I dont know why i never deleted these pics. I didnt even like this girl from my past but I was too weak shake off her advances.
I've never cheated on my GF. I've treated her with nothing but respect and she even says i treated her like a princess. I love her so much and even my family think of her as one of us. I think her family like me too.
I've hurt her so much I can't stand the sight of myself. We're trying to resolve it all at the moment but i dont think we can. I've been a monster. I've barely eaten in 3 days, im not sleeping right and i can think of anything else. Its a living nightmare.
I dont know what to do. I want things to be back to normal but i think she deserves so much better than me. I feel like i deserve to be beaten up. I'd take physical pain ahead of what i'm feeling now any day of the week. I have nobody to talk to about this. I'm suffocating.
